No means No
After being a work-at-home entrepreneur for over 7 years, I can attest that the toughest item on this list for me, personally, is learning to say no to potential clients or customers. When you work for yourself – especially in the early days – you’re not always sure where that next paycheck is coming from. And even when the customer roster is full this month, you can’t be positive the same will be true next month or the month after, so you tend to take on more work than you can comfortably perform. After all, isn’t a few nights of burning the midnight oil well worth the benefit of having a little more padding in the bank account?
The problem is, working too much to stay ahead causes us stress and job burnout – and it also makes spouses and families a tad angry! So we just exchange one stress point (finances) for another (overwork and family pressure). There is a solution, although you’re not going to like it. Set a limit and stick to it.
I know, I know, this is easier said than done. But I can honestly say that I’ve never had a customer or client disappear into thin air when I told him or her they had to wait a few weeks or months to work with me. In fact, it often shows that you’re in demand and that you can pick and choose who you work with, and when. And that’s a valuable trait, particularly when you want to command top rates for your expertise.
Think about the busiest restaurant you know of: the Hard Rock Cafe, the Cheesecake Factory, etc. The advance reservations notice these establishments require actually increases their mystique and reputation. Making your customers and clients wait can do the same for you!
Decide how many products you’re going to release, how many interviews you’re going to do, how many coaching clients you’re going to work with, how many articles you’ll write, or how many hours you’re going to work per week, and then stop. That’s it – no more.
One of the best ways to keep your work commitments at a tolerable level is to make a commitment to your family. You can start with committing to attending every softball game, every Scout meeting, and every recital. You can promise dinner each evening, or read out of a chapter book every night to your children. This will make you accountable to your own scheduled work day. You may feel a momentary pang of regret or anxiety when you tell a potential client “no” or “wait.” I’m willing to bet it will soon fade when you realize how much less stressed you are on a day-to-day basis, and how much happier your home life is!
You’ve set boundaries for your commitment to your clients. You’ll say the words “no” or “wait” to a client when the time constraints of a new assignment don’t fit within your agenda. You have now become the boss of your time. Does your family know that?
There you are sitting at your desk in your home office, available to everyone – kids, spouse, neighbors, friends – at a moments notice. You wanted to work at home so you COULD be available to your family, but what are the limits? We’ll explore the dichotomy of working at home in order to enjoy the flexibility and availability to the ones you love, and working at home in order to create a successful business which requires focused time away from distractions.
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Whatever you do, don’t lose control
If you think back over the most stressful times in your life – illness for yourself or a family member, loss of a job or major client, a death in the family – I would venture to say that there’s a common thread through all of these stressful times: Lack of control.
Because home-based entrepreneurs see themselves as pioneers, we pride ourselves on our take-charge attitudes and get-it-done approach to life. Therefore, not being in charge of what’s happening can cause us a great deal of anxiety. We want to fix things, now. When we can’t fix things, or we don’t know how to fix things, we can become very stressed and even freak out a bit.
When faced with a situation where you’re not in control, here are three ways you can maintain an even keel, despite the foul weather:
Find something you CAN control.
When the world is spinning away from you, it can feel like there’s nothing you can control. Not true! In any situation, there’s SOMETHING you can control. Let’s say your major client is having financial difficulties. You may think you are at the whim of their financial ups-and-downs, but you can start regaining a feeling of control by searching out other clients to replace this financially strapped client if they would need to part ways with you. Or you could get your own finances in order and do some proactive belt-tightening so that the loss of one client doesn’t send your world into a tailspin.
You are NOT helpless, and the sooner you find something to control, the sooner you’ll feel less anxious about the future.
Focus on the moment.
Stress comes when we stop focusing on the here and now and start ruminating over the horrible things we wish hadn’t happened yesterday, or about the horrible things we fear will happen tomorrow. If we ground ourselves in the present moment, we find we’re still alive, still functioning, and still able to make decisions. Once we lose site of that fact, though, the stress seeps in. When your thoughts start spinning out of control, gently reel them back in. Take a few deep breaths, remind yourself that you are okay, right now, and then find something productive to do in this moment to protect against what you fear.
This may be difficult for some people to do because they honestly don’t believe they can control their thoughts. It’s true that when our mind is spinning out of control, thoughts do seem to just keep popping into your head. One method health professionals use to quiet discomforted patients is with visualization and repeating positive phrases. This actually does help to quiet the mind so you can gain control, once again, of your thought processes. Once you have quieted your mind, you can choose to focus on the here and now and take back control.
Remind yourself of your expertise and experience.
Stress also comes when we are afraid we can’t handle the horrific scenarios we’ve created for ourselves when we doubt our competence. If our client goes away, then what? If the economy tanks further, then what? If our website crashes, then what? If we knew we’d be okay in the future because we have the expertise to handle these situations, the stress about the future would be a thing of the past.
One tip to combat that stress is to remind yourself of all the tough circumstances you’ve already navigated through successfully. Think about situations you went through in the past and how you handled them. While past success is no guarantee of future performance, as they say in the stock market, it still is a pretty good indication of how things will turn out.
Too many mompreneurs hold a pistol to their heads and give the revolver a good spin when trying to get their businesses started and keep them going. They have what I call shiny object syndrome. Any little thing can pull them away from business job one, starting their entrepreneurial life and making sure it brings in the income and keeps the customer satisfied. Getting distracted will surely harm the business.
Trying to balance family, the most important people in your life, and a business isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes drive and desire and focus and plans. If you feel in your deepest soul and in your head that you must have your own business, then go for it. But don’t go off in every direction at once. Make a business plan and make sure you build in the right amount of work time but also children time and significant partner time. Remember you left the rat race because you didn’t have enough time for the people who make your life worthwhile.
Don’t get sidetracked from your goal. If the home phone rings during business time, don’t pick up even if it’s your best friend. It’s business time now, and you can call her during non-business hours. That’s what answering machines (and even all the gizmos on cellphones) are for. Just because you work at home doesn’t mean you’re available to everyone, and that includes the older kids. Of course, if your son just fell out of a tree (which they seem to do with regularity, well, yeah, you have to take him to the hospital). Otherwise, you’re at work; don’t lose your focus and stay directed.
Keep your eyes on the prize.
